Here’s the YouTube link for it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AimPOSXe7n4 :-)
(Source: shed-the-pounds.tumblr.om, via )
(Source: needtobeskinnyskinnyskinny, via coffee-and-control)
The present
Suppose I should give a brief background. A history.
I am anonymous for the sake of scaring off a lot of people who know me as someone who takes pride in my weight and curves. Secretly…I hate it. I hate every bit of it. This is my deepest secret.
I was born in Louisiana and at 12 years old was 250 lbs. After being sent to boarding school and becoming a caffeine addict I lost a lot of weight getting down to a size 8. The fear of getting fat again was so strong I was scared to eat so I continued the diet until I had no period for 6 months.
I was able to stay thin until I was 20-21 and drinking put on some pounds. I set out to lose it and made it halfway there when I was given a botched root canal and put in chronic head pain for the rest of my life. This caused me to gain 80lbs from having a shitty metabolism from anorexia and also not being able to move.
I then was raped and assaulted causing other issues to creep up on me adding to my need for ice cream, comfort foods, the want to sleep, etc.
Present day I am married and have lost some weight but have reached a difficult spot. The pain is still here and I’m actually a plus sized model who promotes body acceptance although I cannot accept my own; I hate this house I live in and I want to fade away again.
From seeing the way the internet has changed from when I was originally anoretic (even though that is an extreme goal) I have been attracted to secretly looking at other weight loss and thinspo blogs for support. Before it was a bit harder to do this (Although I am a graphics and website developer I cannot risk putting that much effort into a site while parading around like a fat ass elsewhere.)
Here is to 2012. May it be a year I start to fade away…
~anon
